Dog's Life

Dogs have such peaceful lives. They get nice tummy rubs, and they can lick their private parts in public places.

Elizabethan Nonsense?

Thine isentasis like stasinverous
Thine beauficsporous in gladdigvein
Smee love thee uffably andomead ferrous
My love for thee saphyllispain

Perchance the glamodibeauty
From haverscent like godoluv
I stay parouse eversivity
Nay sinefolleg sonerodove

‘Tis muchenspiffic and blithy those
How caffid wont emigetsin
Byselfous grom the unsel rose
That is the flammo perevin.


Yes, I'm bored (what else is new?), and the lady of madness beckoned seductively!

Question

The coloured formatting on my previous post was an experiment I tried. I would like some feedback on how people who read it perceived it. Was it easy to distinguish the speakers based on the colour? could you associate the speakers and the colour? Etcetera.

The Ace of Spades

From L to R: Patches, Kiara, Bonzo, Professor Feurich, Neimglo X3-30, Spike


“Well, professor Feurich, we’d like to thank you for your support.”

“Yes, professor, it has been an exquisite…collaboration, I must say. Bet one hundred.”

“Raise two hundred”

“Call.”

“Call. Well, I expect that I will be given safe passage to Grrnor before earth is destroyed.”

“Call.”

“Raise four hundred. Why of course professor, you can live happily on Grrnor.”

“Do you boys want anything to eat”

“Thanks, darling, but I’m good.”

“I could use a refill, Kiara”

“That’s not good for your system Patches.”

“Yes, I know, but this is the only good thing that’s come out of earth, and I’m hooked!”

Laughter all around

“You know, I’m a bit worried that I’ll be badly out of place on a planet with a superior race of dogs!”

“Don’t worry, professor, you’ll get along great with everyone. Humans are actually such sweet, naïve creatures. It’s a pity that we’re going to be annihilating the planet. But then again it’s such a rich energy source, and the positioning of earth is such that the repercussions of the implosion will be negligible.”

“By the way professor, you won’t be the only non-dog there. Grrnor is a melting pot of planetary cultures. Of course, you’ll be the first human there, but we are home to all sorts of races, even Horcens like Neimglo here.”

The dogs snicker; Neimglo glares

“I believe it’s your call Patches”

“Raise another six hundred”

“Call. You know what’s ironic, these humans call dogs ‘man’s best friend’”

More laughter among the dogs

“Call”

“Yes, but that did make our surveillance a lot simpler, than on the other planets.”

“Call”

“Yes, Kiara placed us in good homes.”

“I agree. Well done Kiara!”

“Call. Yes, the data collection was impeccable”

“I hope you have all the data you need to trigger of the implosion properly.”

“Yes, living in the homes of those scientists, made our jobs so much simpler. We won’t have to make any assumptions, we’ve got the precise data we need!”

“Not to mention good tummy rubs”

Doggy laughter

“So when will we be able to collect the plutonium”

“Don’t worry about that, we’ll handle it.”

“Well that’s what you said on the last planet too, yet you managed to inundate the sector with tachyons, and we couldn’t retrieve any of the plutonium.”

“That was a small oversight. We miscalculated the planetary mass, which caused an exponential particle decay, but this time we’ve got the exact…”

“I don’t care why that happened, I don’t want you to screw up again!”

“Shut up, Neimglo. You’re only a parasitic bounty hunter!”

“Well, perhaps you’d like to stop blabbering and show us your cards!”

“Three aces it is”

“Damn!”

“And just when I had a nice J,Q,K straight”

“Hold on a second professor, you might still have won. Perhaps Patchy here would care to explain how he keeps getting aces, especially when the Ace of Spades is still in the deck.”

“So what? I’ve got the diamonds, hearts and clubs”

“How convenient, you forgot to mention the ace of spades in your hind paw.”

Spike sniggers

“Oh, and what about you, Spike? How come you slid the king of diamonds under your seat? Oh, wait, that’s because the professor just showed a king of diamonds. You cheating lot of flea-bags!”
Patches stands up, knocking over his glass

“How dare you say that ingrate, when you should be thankful that we even let you dirty lot of scavengers tag along with us and collect up the remains at every planet!”

“Come on boys, relax!”

“Shut up, Kiara!”

“You son-of-a-bitch, don’t you dare tell my girl to shut up!”

“You go around destroying planet after planet scrounging up whatever energy you can generate from them and call us a dirty lot of scavengers?”

Now Spike stands up and whips out a de-atomiser

“I’ve had enough of you Neimglo!”

“And I’ve had enough of all of you!”

Neimglo clasps his hands together sending out waves of high amplitude ultra sound, the dogs fall to the floor flailing. Spikes sends out a blast from his de-atomiser, that hits the lightbulb and causes an flood of antimatter particles destroying nearly two blocks of building.

So finally the dogs’ devious ploy is thwarted by an unassuming ace of spades, and the earth is not obliterated (except for the two blocks around Professor Feurich’s place)


I thought it would take 15 minutes, but it took nearly an hour. Click on the image for a full sized version, I didn't post the full size pic here cause it's screwing up my blog alignment. And I hope none of the readers are colour blind!

Hip Hip Huey

Yes, I changed my avataar. It's now a picture of Hamster Huey - post Gooey Kablooie. The jury gave him life (which I felt was unfair), but he may make parole!

An Account of Spurious Reckoning

We flew south for a week, before we landed at the Copistan temple, where they worshipped Copulus, the god of reproduction. The place was a riot of elephants and placentas.

We checked into the hotel Lgugabi; the rooms were well aired and spacious. We spent the day touring the markets of Copistan, where vendors sold colourful wares. The streets were narrow and crowded, with people hawking various food stuffs of suspicious origin, people selling brightly coloured clothes (which was common attire in Copistan), medicine men peddling bizarre concoctions in bottles and packets of various shapes and sizes, dancing girls, jugglers and street magicians.

On the second morning of our stay we were accosted by a dark stranger, who informed us his name was Oi Oo Oi Oo. He was selling packaged dirt which he claimed worked as an aphrodisiac. We bought a few packets, which left us lacking a couple hundred shekels, and headed of to find some women, upon whom we could employ the dirt.

Scheznik chanced upon a buxom belle with blunt features, while I found myself a more athletic and dark beauty with enchanting eyes. After an evening at the Rikwik restaurant, where we drank black tea cooked with lotus seeds (another aphrodisiac, according to Yaa Wee Yaa Wee, the restaurant owner) we headed back to our rooms.

At the hotel, the girls performed for us the sacred rites of Khwandi – a complex process that included a lot of intertwined limbs and moaning.

Scheznik and I woke up the next morning and found ourselves rather hung over and tied to our beds. The girls had robbed us of everything except the four packets of dirt, which they had spread all over us. I couldn’t remember much of the previous night, but apparently they hadn’t required the dirt to whet their appetites.

After a few minutes of girlishly giggling at our predicament, we started yelling for help. A couple of hours and two sore throats later, the house staff came in and loosed our knots rather nonchalantly. We later found out that such were common occurrences in Copistan. We had been left down and dirty.

Yes, I'm just horny

Klutz

Unbelievably pretty, yet I can throw it out of the window, watch it shatter into a million bits. Klutz.

Self Discovery #66

If I keep moving my head closer to and away from my monitor, it looks like the text on screen is getting bigger, and then smaller. If I do this exercise constantly, I look like an idiot!