“To be born again you must first die.”
The words were unclear, both in their meaning and also because of the situation my ears were in. But somehow, the meaning of the words, murky as the water I was in, entered into the very centre of my being. I had a feeling that something was amiss, but I could not put my finger on it. Not right away at least, then it suddenly hit me – I was not breathing. I seemed to be undergoing some sort of sensory deprivation process. I could see but it was hazy, my hearing was fuzzy, my feeling almost numb, I could taste familiar tastes that I could not name. And I wasn’t breathing.
“I tell you the truth - no one can see the Kingdom of God unless he is born of water and spirit.”
I could still hear the muffled voice, I could even see the blurred outline of people, I could feel hands holding me. Was I hallucinating? Was this a bizarre dream? Where was this place and how had I come to be here? Random, disjoint thoughts flooded my head (though I was unsure if I did have a head) – “love can damage your health”, “breathe”, “genetic world”, “L’incertitude D’Heisenberg” and so on they tumbled out into the open where everyone could see them.
“Flesh gives birth to flesh, and spirit gives birth to spirit.”
Energy. Particles. Atoms. Molecules. Compounds. DNA. Code. Copy. Mutate. Transmit. Recreate. Energy.
The perception was beyond anything language could describe. I was a presence. Among infinite souls, both living and dead, and those that were neither. Thought was omnipresent but it was the kind of thought that cannot be articulated for such words do not exist in the spoken tongues of man. Memory of a collective past was suddenly accessible. Yet this was only a feeling and I could not hold on to it. But it came back, again and again, in waves. I was bathed in a warm feeling of ecstasy and I could suddenly love. Even things I had once hated. Love was the continuation of all things.
“I baptise you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
As my awareness floated in those waters, its physical representation struggled, out of conditioned response to the circumstances. Thoughts whirled by, ungraspable, as language faded away. The pure being of all around me melted into an indescribable, endless light that was also a completely dark void. The infinite in material form that was me. The infinite in energy that was me. The infinite that was everything outside of me. I had a sudden last recollection of my body as it gasped. But only for a moment as I felt the remnants of my extremities disappear into the rest of the black light.
And thus I remember my death and birth.
The words were unclear, both in their meaning and also because of the situation my ears were in. But somehow, the meaning of the words, murky as the water I was in, entered into the very centre of my being. I had a feeling that something was amiss, but I could not put my finger on it. Not right away at least, then it suddenly hit me – I was not breathing. I seemed to be undergoing some sort of sensory deprivation process. I could see but it was hazy, my hearing was fuzzy, my feeling almost numb, I could taste familiar tastes that I could not name. And I wasn’t breathing.
“I tell you the truth - no one can see the Kingdom of God unless he is born of water and spirit.”
I could still hear the muffled voice, I could even see the blurred outline of people, I could feel hands holding me. Was I hallucinating? Was this a bizarre dream? Where was this place and how had I come to be here? Random, disjoint thoughts flooded my head (though I was unsure if I did have a head) – “love can damage your health”, “breathe”, “genetic world”, “L’incertitude D’Heisenberg” and so on they tumbled out into the open where everyone could see them.
“Flesh gives birth to flesh, and spirit gives birth to spirit.”
Energy. Particles. Atoms. Molecules. Compounds. DNA. Code. Copy. Mutate. Transmit. Recreate. Energy.
The perception was beyond anything language could describe. I was a presence. Among infinite souls, both living and dead, and those that were neither. Thought was omnipresent but it was the kind of thought that cannot be articulated for such words do not exist in the spoken tongues of man. Memory of a collective past was suddenly accessible. Yet this was only a feeling and I could not hold on to it. But it came back, again and again, in waves. I was bathed in a warm feeling of ecstasy and I could suddenly love. Even things I had once hated. Love was the continuation of all things.
“I baptise you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
As my awareness floated in those waters, its physical representation struggled, out of conditioned response to the circumstances. Thoughts whirled by, ungraspable, as language faded away. The pure being of all around me melted into an indescribable, endless light that was also a completely dark void. The infinite in material form that was me. The infinite in energy that was me. The infinite that was everything outside of me. I had a sudden last recollection of my body as it gasped. But only for a moment as I felt the remnants of my extremities disappear into the rest of the black light.
And thus I remember my death and birth.
1 comment:
interesting. having never been asked, much less divined, to experience 'rebirth' I can't say if this or something similar happens to christians who are reborn. I've known a few. one of them was a boy who taught me how to roll joints. he's now a pastor.
btw, the commonwealth short story competition is ongoing. deadline may first. i think you should gather some words.
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