A friend once asked me if I was a bigot.
"A bigot?" I replied, "of course not. Only women or Christians would be bigots! I absolutely loathe, hate, detest, abhor and despise bigots! "
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Commentary on the Departure of an Anglophile
The original scoutmaster has left the building.
Eclectic.
Wood chitty grub, wood shitting grub, woochitty grub, witchetty grub? Leave it to the Golden Fafa.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Jesus Christ?
Esoteric collector of journals, scraps and other documents pertaining to memory.
We glossed over music, magazine, women, book, and walked with the upper echelons of faith.
Obnoxious. Romantic sop!
Striving for perfection within the boundaries of complacency.
“Watcha beddy saying, chile. That Winston’s baay, lotsah puhlitcal clout, ‘eel beddy colt you, chile”
Nelson Mandela song plus Deep Purple plus Kannada text book plus graduation produces lachrymose condition.
(laughter)
The best way to remember anything is in Chronological order, and the same goes for the Rolling Stones.
Jack Daniels and the dipsomaniacal challenge.
Malluland drive calling Communist, Marxist.
Jojo left his home in Tucson, Arizona
In the throes of Bibliophilic passion, our hero did fall…
Watership Down, The Silmarillion, Candy is Dandy, Foundation and Empire, Mother.
The Empire strikes back? Princess Leia.
Tear jerker of the rightwing Christian fanatics!
Bah!
Eclectic.
Wood chitty grub, wood shitting grub, woochitty grub, witchetty grub? Leave it to the Golden Fafa.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Jesus Christ?
Esoteric collector of journals, scraps and other documents pertaining to memory.
We glossed over music, magazine, women, book, and walked with the upper echelons of faith.
Obnoxious. Romantic sop!
Striving for perfection within the boundaries of complacency.
“Watcha beddy saying, chile. That Winston’s baay, lotsah puhlitcal clout, ‘eel beddy colt you, chile”
Nelson Mandela song plus Deep Purple plus Kannada text book plus graduation produces lachrymose condition.
(laughter)
The best way to remember anything is in Chronological order, and the same goes for the Rolling Stones.
Jack Daniels and the dipsomaniacal challenge.
Malluland drive calling Communist, Marxist.
Jojo left his home in Tucson, Arizona
In the throes of Bibliophilic passion, our hero did fall…
Watership Down, The Silmarillion, Candy is Dandy, Foundation and Empire, Mother.
The Empire strikes back? Princess Leia.
Tear jerker of the rightwing Christian fanatics!
Bah!
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Another Account of Spurious Reckoning - 2
After dinner small cups of a warm, sweet liquid, which tasted vaguely like coffee, were passed around. As we sat sipping on it, some of the men started playing some rather peculiar instruments. The sounds of stringed instruments, skin drums and vocal cries filled the air. The younger women joined in with singing and dancing. They gracefully twirled around, did backflips and leapt in the air in smart synchronisation. The two girls who had served us dinner were also part of the dance. I held the gaze of the shorter, more petite one.
After what seemed like the main routine the girls split up and went to their huts. We were initially disappointed, but Prantis Bababa came up to us and told us we could share the girls’ huts that night. Apparently they had invited us during the dance, but their subtle customs were lost on us.
The remainder of the night was fascinating in the least. Scheznik and I were in separate huts. The girl I was with, whose name was Lehaka, proceeded to undress me, all the while babbling away in Ablalai, while I nodded appreciatively. She then sprinkled various fragrant leaves and flowers around the room, the floors of which were a soft carpet, before undressing herself. She continued chattering in the local dialect as she lowered herself over me. It was a liberating night of exploration and conversation that I could not fathom.
The following morning we were woken early and joined the men folk as they trekked to the quarry. The sun was already rather high in the sky before we reached the quarrying yard, which was filled with gleaming, crystalline rocks. There were already men hard at work, and we were given the necessary implements and shown how we were supposed to carry on with the excavation.
After a hard days work, all we had to show for our troubles were a few small lumps of crystalline rock. The rock was not very easy to chip away, and our arms ached from the constant work. As the sun started to set, we made our way back to the village. Here we were shown the cube farm – a large room where they went about the actually ‘cultivation’ of the cubes.
Here the women went about sorting the crystals the men had brought back into various sizes. There were huge vats around the room, filled with various liquids, within which the larger chunks of rock were dissolved. The resulting solution was then, poured into various cube moulds. The women would carefully polish one of the smaller crystals and this was dipped into the liquid in the cubes by means of a string. The crystals would be left in the solution for a few months. We looked around the farm, and saw cubes in various state of growth. Once the entire liquid had crystallized the cube could be carefully extricated and used in the telling of fortunes.
Prantis Bababa made one of his usual magical appearances, and gave us a guided tour of the farm. He explained how the different liquids from which the crystals were created gave the crystal different properties, how some liquids crystallized faster than others. At this point, Scheznik interrupted and asked Prantis Bababa, what the quickest crystallizing liquid would be. Prantis Bababa showed us a thick, silver liquid, which looked like mercury.
“I say we make our crystals from those, so we can leave quickly”, said Scheznik”
“Uh, tarry a moment” Prantis Bababa said, “are you sure you want to cultivate the crystals that quickly”
“What properties will this liquid give the cube?” I asked.
“One would not be able to tell the future” said Prantis Bababa, “but the cubes that result from this blend are always highly entertaining.”
“How long would it take?” asked Scheznik.
“It is an overnight affair!”
“That settles it” said Scheznik, “I’m getting myself one of these.
“Don’t you want to try out different ones Scheznik?” I asked.
“Well you can wait if you want to, but I have a couple of women waiting for me back in the city!”
Scheznik is Scheznik, so I shrugged and we went about setting up two moulds, with the viscous liquid, and set the crystals in them. Our cubes would be ready the next morning.
Dinner was served as usual. This time Scheznik and I decided to help out with the cooking, much to the amusement of the village women. We served out the food and handed plates out to people, and joined in the dancing too. Everyone was thoroughly entertained!
After another great night, this time with some of the women we had made the vegetable gravy with, we were excited to see the cubes we had cultivated. We made our way to the cube farm, and went to where our moulds were kept. Prantis Bababa was already there.
“You are here” he said, rather pointlessly.
We looked at the moulds; the liquid had solidified, into a translucent, gray cube. With the help of Prantis Bababa, we carefully removed the cubes from the containers. They were unbelievably light. Scheznik actually threw his cube in the air a couple of times. One could look through the cube and see distorted figures of the objects on the other side. Streaks of blue and gray ran through the cube, they were pieces of art, avant garde nonetheless.
“So how do we use these?” Scheznik asked Prantis Bababa.
“One must look into it and concentrate, each cube works differently for different people, depending on what you think of.” Prantis Bababa replied.
We decided to set off back to the city, if we left now we would make it in time for dinner. We bid our hosts farewell, and headed back to the little room where we had left our bags. After changing back to our old clothes I started packing the cubes.
“Wait, don’t you want to try them out?” asked Scheznik.
“Now? Shouldn’t we head back?” I asked.
“Come on, let’s see what our cubes do.”
“Alright, lets.”
So we kept our cubes in front of us and peered into them. I stared through the cube, but all I could see was a skewed perspective of the room.
“I don’t think it’s working.” I said, turning to Scheznik, when he vanished in front of my eyes.
Now I was left not knowing what to do, and Scheznik had disappeared too. I continued looking into my cube trying to focus, wondering where Scheznik could have gone. The quarry, the farm, the forest. The forest? As I looked through the cube, I noticed the distorted refractions slowly morph from the pale brown of the hut to various shades of green. I looked around and found myself in the middle of the forest we had crossed but two nights ago.
“Scheznik?” I yelled.
There was a rustle in the bushes near by. “Scheznik, is that you?” I asked. Unfortunately it was not, a large boar walked out of the bushes. It grunted when it saw me, and prepared to charge. I turned around ready to run, when I noticed that I was attired in battle gear, and had a broad sword in my hand. The boar was already making its way towards me. I stepped aside and swiped at it with the sword. The boar shrieked in pain, and collapsed, then it disappeared in a puff of smoke, and a gold coin remained where it had fallen.
I picked up the coin, it was real gold, and rather heavy too. I put it my belt, where I noticed I also had a dagger, and some vials of various liquids, marked ‘life force’, ‘mana’, ‘heat’ and so on. On my back was a large shield, which I tried to use, but the broadsword was too heavy to wield with one hand, so I had to secure the shield to my back once more.
“Scheznik!” I called out once more.
Another rustle in the bushes, this time it sounded like something much larger than a boar. I gripped the sword tight and readied myself for whatever would come through. Scheznik jumped out of the bushes into the clearing, he was dressed in pretty much the same way I was, and he had a short staff in his hand.
“Darius!” he said, “great you made it!”
“Yeah, though I have no idea what’s going on! Is this the forest we have to cross?” I asked
“I’m not sure.” He replied.
“Any idea what’s with the clothes and weapons?”
“No, but it’s a lot of fun, how many attacks did you survive?”
“Just one boar.”
“What a loser! Get ready now, there are some spirits coming through here!”
“What?”
As soon as the question mark emerged from my lips, two screaming wraiths appeared through the surrounding foliage.
“Check this out, Darius.” Scheznik said as he positioned himself and shot out a blast of blue light from his staff at the banshee which screeched and disappeared.
The other wraith lashed at me with some sort of whip and caught me right on the arm. I dropped my sword screaming in pain.
“Oh, come on Darius!” shouted Scheznik as he sent another blast at the second creature, and ran into the bushes.
I picked up my sword in my good hand, and followed him into the forest. We ran for a while before we stopped at another clearing, gasping for breath. Scheznik was laughing. “Isn’t this so much fun?”
“No it isn’t, my hand is killing me! What were those things?”
“I have no clue, but for your hand, drink a bit from one of those life force vials”
I looked at my belt, and picked out the life force vial. “Are you sure?” I asked him. “Trust me.” He replied. I took a quick swig from the vial, the warm liquid ran down my throat and I already felt rejuvenated. The marks from the wraith’s whip slowly disappeared from my arm. “This is crazy!” I remarked.
“I know!” said Scheznik.
We continued making our way through the forest, trying to find a way out. “Looks like our cubes were some sort of teleportation devices” I said.
“The cubes!” Scheznik shouted for joy.
“What?”
“We can use the cubes to get back!”
“Where are they?”
“In the pouch on your belt!”
“What? How is that possible, this pouch is too small to hold the cube, the cubes were much bigger…”
Scheznik interrupted me mid-sentence to pull out his cube from his pouch, “it’s quite magical he said.” Thoroughly amazed I put my hand into my pouch and pulled out my cube. We sat down on the forest floor, and looked into our cubes. I pictured the hut, imagined myself in normal surroundings. Scheznik had already disappeared. He seemed to be a natural at this. A large amount of concentration later, and I found myself in the hut. We were back in our normal clothes. Both Pico and Prantis Bababa were there too, with wide grins on their faces.
“These cubes are amazing!” said Scheznik.
“Pico is taking you’ll back to the city, I trust you have enjoyed your stay”, Prantis Bababa said in his droll monotone.
“Yes we’ve had a wonderful time,” I said “But what sort of cubes are these?”
Prantis Bababa smiled, and bowed and made the clicking sound, that we had first heard when we had arrived at K’na-Ablala. We bowed and did the same. Pico picked up his bag and headed out towards the forest, we picked up our luggage and followed him.
As we left Kna-Ablala, I looked back to get one last glimpse of the village. It wore a deserted look, Prantis Bababa was the only person in sight, standing outside the hut where we had cleansed ourselves.
“Those are Intended Game Cubes” he said, as we walked back to the city.
I love my little puns! Did anyone figure out the other gamer pun in this account?
After what seemed like the main routine the girls split up and went to their huts. We were initially disappointed, but Prantis Bababa came up to us and told us we could share the girls’ huts that night. Apparently they had invited us during the dance, but their subtle customs were lost on us.
The remainder of the night was fascinating in the least. Scheznik and I were in separate huts. The girl I was with, whose name was Lehaka, proceeded to undress me, all the while babbling away in Ablalai, while I nodded appreciatively. She then sprinkled various fragrant leaves and flowers around the room, the floors of which were a soft carpet, before undressing herself. She continued chattering in the local dialect as she lowered herself over me. It was a liberating night of exploration and conversation that I could not fathom.
The following morning we were woken early and joined the men folk as they trekked to the quarry. The sun was already rather high in the sky before we reached the quarrying yard, which was filled with gleaming, crystalline rocks. There were already men hard at work, and we were given the necessary implements and shown how we were supposed to carry on with the excavation.
After a hard days work, all we had to show for our troubles were a few small lumps of crystalline rock. The rock was not very easy to chip away, and our arms ached from the constant work. As the sun started to set, we made our way back to the village. Here we were shown the cube farm – a large room where they went about the actually ‘cultivation’ of the cubes.
Here the women went about sorting the crystals the men had brought back into various sizes. There were huge vats around the room, filled with various liquids, within which the larger chunks of rock were dissolved. The resulting solution was then, poured into various cube moulds. The women would carefully polish one of the smaller crystals and this was dipped into the liquid in the cubes by means of a string. The crystals would be left in the solution for a few months. We looked around the farm, and saw cubes in various state of growth. Once the entire liquid had crystallized the cube could be carefully extricated and used in the telling of fortunes.
Prantis Bababa made one of his usual magical appearances, and gave us a guided tour of the farm. He explained how the different liquids from which the crystals were created gave the crystal different properties, how some liquids crystallized faster than others. At this point, Scheznik interrupted and asked Prantis Bababa, what the quickest crystallizing liquid would be. Prantis Bababa showed us a thick, silver liquid, which looked like mercury.
“I say we make our crystals from those, so we can leave quickly”, said Scheznik”
“Uh, tarry a moment” Prantis Bababa said, “are you sure you want to cultivate the crystals that quickly”
“What properties will this liquid give the cube?” I asked.
“One would not be able to tell the future” said Prantis Bababa, “but the cubes that result from this blend are always highly entertaining.”
“How long would it take?” asked Scheznik.
“It is an overnight affair!”
“That settles it” said Scheznik, “I’m getting myself one of these.
“Don’t you want to try out different ones Scheznik?” I asked.
“Well you can wait if you want to, but I have a couple of women waiting for me back in the city!”
Scheznik is Scheznik, so I shrugged and we went about setting up two moulds, with the viscous liquid, and set the crystals in them. Our cubes would be ready the next morning.
Dinner was served as usual. This time Scheznik and I decided to help out with the cooking, much to the amusement of the village women. We served out the food and handed plates out to people, and joined in the dancing too. Everyone was thoroughly entertained!
After another great night, this time with some of the women we had made the vegetable gravy with, we were excited to see the cubes we had cultivated. We made our way to the cube farm, and went to where our moulds were kept. Prantis Bababa was already there.
“You are here” he said, rather pointlessly.
We looked at the moulds; the liquid had solidified, into a translucent, gray cube. With the help of Prantis Bababa, we carefully removed the cubes from the containers. They were unbelievably light. Scheznik actually threw his cube in the air a couple of times. One could look through the cube and see distorted figures of the objects on the other side. Streaks of blue and gray ran through the cube, they were pieces of art, avant garde nonetheless.
“So how do we use these?” Scheznik asked Prantis Bababa.
“One must look into it and concentrate, each cube works differently for different people, depending on what you think of.” Prantis Bababa replied.
We decided to set off back to the city, if we left now we would make it in time for dinner. We bid our hosts farewell, and headed back to the little room where we had left our bags. After changing back to our old clothes I started packing the cubes.
“Wait, don’t you want to try them out?” asked Scheznik.
“Now? Shouldn’t we head back?” I asked.
“Come on, let’s see what our cubes do.”
“Alright, lets.”
So we kept our cubes in front of us and peered into them. I stared through the cube, but all I could see was a skewed perspective of the room.
“I don’t think it’s working.” I said, turning to Scheznik, when he vanished in front of my eyes.
Now I was left not knowing what to do, and Scheznik had disappeared too. I continued looking into my cube trying to focus, wondering where Scheznik could have gone. The quarry, the farm, the forest. The forest? As I looked through the cube, I noticed the distorted refractions slowly morph from the pale brown of the hut to various shades of green. I looked around and found myself in the middle of the forest we had crossed but two nights ago.
“Scheznik?” I yelled.
There was a rustle in the bushes near by. “Scheznik, is that you?” I asked. Unfortunately it was not, a large boar walked out of the bushes. It grunted when it saw me, and prepared to charge. I turned around ready to run, when I noticed that I was attired in battle gear, and had a broad sword in my hand. The boar was already making its way towards me. I stepped aside and swiped at it with the sword. The boar shrieked in pain, and collapsed, then it disappeared in a puff of smoke, and a gold coin remained where it had fallen.
I picked up the coin, it was real gold, and rather heavy too. I put it my belt, where I noticed I also had a dagger, and some vials of various liquids, marked ‘life force’, ‘mana’, ‘heat’ and so on. On my back was a large shield, which I tried to use, but the broadsword was too heavy to wield with one hand, so I had to secure the shield to my back once more.
“Scheznik!” I called out once more.
Another rustle in the bushes, this time it sounded like something much larger than a boar. I gripped the sword tight and readied myself for whatever would come through. Scheznik jumped out of the bushes into the clearing, he was dressed in pretty much the same way I was, and he had a short staff in his hand.
“Darius!” he said, “great you made it!”
“Yeah, though I have no idea what’s going on! Is this the forest we have to cross?” I asked
“I’m not sure.” He replied.
“Any idea what’s with the clothes and weapons?”
“No, but it’s a lot of fun, how many attacks did you survive?”
“Just one boar.”
“What a loser! Get ready now, there are some spirits coming through here!”
“What?”
As soon as the question mark emerged from my lips, two screaming wraiths appeared through the surrounding foliage.
“Check this out, Darius.” Scheznik said as he positioned himself and shot out a blast of blue light from his staff at the banshee which screeched and disappeared.
The other wraith lashed at me with some sort of whip and caught me right on the arm. I dropped my sword screaming in pain.
“Oh, come on Darius!” shouted Scheznik as he sent another blast at the second creature, and ran into the bushes.
I picked up my sword in my good hand, and followed him into the forest. We ran for a while before we stopped at another clearing, gasping for breath. Scheznik was laughing. “Isn’t this so much fun?”
“No it isn’t, my hand is killing me! What were those things?”
“I have no clue, but for your hand, drink a bit from one of those life force vials”
I looked at my belt, and picked out the life force vial. “Are you sure?” I asked him. “Trust me.” He replied. I took a quick swig from the vial, the warm liquid ran down my throat and I already felt rejuvenated. The marks from the wraith’s whip slowly disappeared from my arm. “This is crazy!” I remarked.
“I know!” said Scheznik.
We continued making our way through the forest, trying to find a way out. “Looks like our cubes were some sort of teleportation devices” I said.
“The cubes!” Scheznik shouted for joy.
“What?”
“We can use the cubes to get back!”
“Where are they?”
“In the pouch on your belt!”
“What? How is that possible, this pouch is too small to hold the cube, the cubes were much bigger…”
Scheznik interrupted me mid-sentence to pull out his cube from his pouch, “it’s quite magical he said.” Thoroughly amazed I put my hand into my pouch and pulled out my cube. We sat down on the forest floor, and looked into our cubes. I pictured the hut, imagined myself in normal surroundings. Scheznik had already disappeared. He seemed to be a natural at this. A large amount of concentration later, and I found myself in the hut. We were back in our normal clothes. Both Pico and Prantis Bababa were there too, with wide grins on their faces.
“These cubes are amazing!” said Scheznik.
“Pico is taking you’ll back to the city, I trust you have enjoyed your stay”, Prantis Bababa said in his droll monotone.
“Yes we’ve had a wonderful time,” I said “But what sort of cubes are these?”
Prantis Bababa smiled, and bowed and made the clicking sound, that we had first heard when we had arrived at K’na-Ablala. We bowed and did the same. Pico picked up his bag and headed out towards the forest, we picked up our luggage and followed him.
As we left Kna-Ablala, I looked back to get one last glimpse of the village. It wore a deserted look, Prantis Bababa was the only person in sight, standing outside the hut where we had cleansed ourselves.
“Those are Intended Game Cubes” he said, as we walked back to the city.
I love my little puns! Did anyone figure out the other gamer pun in this account?
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Another Account of Spurious Reckoning - 1
Twelve hours had passed since we had left the city, and the sun was now low in the sky. We were rather exhausted by the long trek. Scheznik suggested we camp before it got dark, but Pico, our guide, insisted that there was an hour of daylight and we must get out of the woods and reach the village before dark. So with leaden legs we trudged on towards our destination – the remote village of K’na-Ablala.
As the light started to fade, an acrid smell started to fill the forest.
“Hurry up” said Pico, in a loud whisper. He had a worried look on his face.
“What is it?” I asked. He quickly put his hand over my mouth and glanced around to see if anyone was there.
“We must get out of the woods before dark”, he said in a hushed tone, “there are spirits that wander this forest after dark”
“And are they dangerous?” I asked
“They are not of good intentions”, he said, and walked on in a hurried gait.
We quickened our pace and headed towards the village with renewed inspiration.
The woods started to thin, and in the distance we could see a few scattered lights. Gradually the huts materialised out of the darkness. We were now close enough to see both the moonlight and wood fires reflect of their walls.
A man came out of one of the huts to greet us.
Pico bowed and made a sound with his tongue that can best be described as a ‘tcha’, he motioned us to follow suit, and we bowed and said ‘tcha’ as best we could.
“Good evening,” said the man in a deep, slow, monotone, “I am Prantis Bababa. You have cleansed yourselves in the rooms and have eaten with us.”
Scheznik looked at me with a raised eyebrow, while Prantis Bababa bowed and left.
Pico led us into one of the huts where he told us to undress and sit cross legged around a small fireplace, which was built in the centre of the room.
“His words made no sense”, I remarked about Prantis Bababa.
“He was telling us the events that will happen the rest of tonight. For him time holds no value. They confuse tense easily.”
“Yes, of course.”
At this point in the narrative, I must break to inform the reader of an important matter that I may have overlooked. The village of K’na-Ablala is home to seers, mystics and clairvoyants. The village is also most famous (among small, secret circles) for its clairvoyant cubes. The Ablalai are precise cube farmers. These cubes that they cultivate are akin to the crystals of the gypsies. While the Ablalai cubes are much cruder, less aesthetic (to some), and a lot more obscure than their Romanian counterparts, they are a more intricate expression of space, time and the other mysteries of the universe. But more on this later.
Pico had started a fire. He explained that we would have to be cleansed before we could interact with the Ablalai, so that the outside world that we brought with us would not contaminate them.
He then stripped bare and sat cross legged at an angle from us such that we formed the vertices of an isosceles triangle. He went on to throw a few crushed and dried leaves into the fire which caused the flames to leap up momentarily, before filling the room with a faint, purple glow and a sweet, intoxicating fragrance. Pico then closed his eyes and sat still. Scheznik and I exchanged glances and then closed our eyes. The smell in the room was warm and absorbing, like none I have ever experienced.
We opened our eyes after some time. I could not gauge how long we had sat there; apparently it had been a while, for the fire was now almost dead, and mostly burning embers remained.
We felt a lot more relaxed and at ease now. The tenseness in our limbs, from the long journey, had disappeared. We slowly went about dressing ourselves in some clothes that Pico gave us. The attire consisted of a loose shirt that had to be tied at the belly, and a long piece of cloth to wrap around our waists. This was rather similar to what Prantis Bababa had been wearing.
We followed Pico to an open area in the centre of the village where food was being cooked over various fires. There were clumps of giant mushrooms growing in the area, and the village people used them as chairs. Plates with food on them were being passed around.
Prantis Bababa came up to us (he seemed to have appeared from no where), and showed us some mushrooms we could sit on. Two young girls brought plates for Pico, Scheznik and I. We smiled at them and thanked them, and they bowed and went away giggling.
Dinner consisted of balls of a mash of substances I could not identify, in a rather tasty gravy. Prantis Bababa joined us mid-dinner. Pico had told us that Prantis Bababa was the village head and one of the few who knew our language.
We asked the village chief if we could purchase a few of the clairvoyant cubes. He told us that they did not accept monetary payment and we would have to help making our own. So it was decided. The following morning we would join the villagers in their cube making process.
Part 2 from this entry in the journal of Darius will be posted on Monday (hopefully). For more from the adventures of Scheznik and Darius click here.
The phrase 'Clairvoyant Cube Farmer' was coined by JP.
As the light started to fade, an acrid smell started to fill the forest.
“Hurry up” said Pico, in a loud whisper. He had a worried look on his face.
“What is it?” I asked. He quickly put his hand over my mouth and glanced around to see if anyone was there.
“We must get out of the woods before dark”, he said in a hushed tone, “there are spirits that wander this forest after dark”
“And are they dangerous?” I asked
“They are not of good intentions”, he said, and walked on in a hurried gait.
We quickened our pace and headed towards the village with renewed inspiration.
The woods started to thin, and in the distance we could see a few scattered lights. Gradually the huts materialised out of the darkness. We were now close enough to see both the moonlight and wood fires reflect of their walls.
A man came out of one of the huts to greet us.
Pico bowed and made a sound with his tongue that can best be described as a ‘tcha’, he motioned us to follow suit, and we bowed and said ‘tcha’ as best we could.
“Good evening,” said the man in a deep, slow, monotone, “I am Prantis Bababa. You have cleansed yourselves in the rooms and have eaten with us.”
Scheznik looked at me with a raised eyebrow, while Prantis Bababa bowed and left.
Pico led us into one of the huts where he told us to undress and sit cross legged around a small fireplace, which was built in the centre of the room.
“His words made no sense”, I remarked about Prantis Bababa.
“He was telling us the events that will happen the rest of tonight. For him time holds no value. They confuse tense easily.”
“Yes, of course.”
At this point in the narrative, I must break to inform the reader of an important matter that I may have overlooked. The village of K’na-Ablala is home to seers, mystics and clairvoyants. The village is also most famous (among small, secret circles) for its clairvoyant cubes. The Ablalai are precise cube farmers. These cubes that they cultivate are akin to the crystals of the gypsies. While the Ablalai cubes are much cruder, less aesthetic (to some), and a lot more obscure than their Romanian counterparts, they are a more intricate expression of space, time and the other mysteries of the universe. But more on this later.
Pico had started a fire. He explained that we would have to be cleansed before we could interact with the Ablalai, so that the outside world that we brought with us would not contaminate them.
He then stripped bare and sat cross legged at an angle from us such that we formed the vertices of an isosceles triangle. He went on to throw a few crushed and dried leaves into the fire which caused the flames to leap up momentarily, before filling the room with a faint, purple glow and a sweet, intoxicating fragrance. Pico then closed his eyes and sat still. Scheznik and I exchanged glances and then closed our eyes. The smell in the room was warm and absorbing, like none I have ever experienced.
We opened our eyes after some time. I could not gauge how long we had sat there; apparently it had been a while, for the fire was now almost dead, and mostly burning embers remained.
We felt a lot more relaxed and at ease now. The tenseness in our limbs, from the long journey, had disappeared. We slowly went about dressing ourselves in some clothes that Pico gave us. The attire consisted of a loose shirt that had to be tied at the belly, and a long piece of cloth to wrap around our waists. This was rather similar to what Prantis Bababa had been wearing.
We followed Pico to an open area in the centre of the village where food was being cooked over various fires. There were clumps of giant mushrooms growing in the area, and the village people used them as chairs. Plates with food on them were being passed around.
Prantis Bababa came up to us (he seemed to have appeared from no where), and showed us some mushrooms we could sit on. Two young girls brought plates for Pico, Scheznik and I. We smiled at them and thanked them, and they bowed and went away giggling.
Dinner consisted of balls of a mash of substances I could not identify, in a rather tasty gravy. Prantis Bababa joined us mid-dinner. Pico had told us that Prantis Bababa was the village head and one of the few who knew our language.
We asked the village chief if we could purchase a few of the clairvoyant cubes. He told us that they did not accept monetary payment and we would have to help making our own. So it was decided. The following morning we would join the villagers in their cube making process.
Part 2 from this entry in the journal of Darius will be posted on Monday (hopefully). For more from the adventures of Scheznik and Darius click here.
The phrase 'Clairvoyant Cube Farmer' was coined by JP.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Lizard of woes
Phil the salamander
Would philander
Through night and day
Twas lizard’s play
In the bushes
He’d get his rushes
His needs he’d pander
With lady salamanders
During the day
On rocks he’d lay
One day as he lay on his belly
His friends got Phil a telly
He also learnt the blues harp
Which he’d play in C sharp
Thus did he tour in Corsica
With his royal Phil harmonica
His growing ego
Was now larger than a gecko
And to gold shopping sprees
Would Phil agree
Soon he was constantly cribbing
He was a moody amphibian
His friends soon got sick of his whims
And plotted to get rid of him
So they promptly took the matter
To the local rattler
And thus the prima donna’s days grew ill
And the snake had his fill of Phil
Would philander
Through night and day
Twas lizard’s play
In the bushes
He’d get his rushes
His needs he’d pander
With lady salamanders
During the day
On rocks he’d lay
One day as he lay on his belly
His friends got Phil a telly
He also learnt the blues harp
Which he’d play in C sharp
Thus did he tour in Corsica
With his royal Phil harmonica
His growing ego
Was now larger than a gecko
And to gold shopping sprees
Would Phil agree
Soon he was constantly cribbing
He was a moody amphibian
His friends soon got sick of his whims
And plotted to get rid of him
So they promptly took the matter
To the local rattler
And thus the prima donna’s days grew ill
And the snake had his fill of Phil
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Work and suchlike
Bah! I haven't found the time for a decent update. So many ideas idling in the back of my head! Will update soon!
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
It's Reincarnation Time!
Yeah, so my old avatar link suddenly stopped working, and I decided to switch to a new one! And this one's off our site www.zebediahplush.com (Click on the link and buy our album!), so it shouldn't stop displaying.
Also it's all arty farty!
Oh and also, BUY OUR ALBUM!
Also it's all arty farty!
Oh and also, BUY OUR ALBUM!
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Widow Speak
Kehar turned lazily in his bed. It was time he got out of bed and started getting ready for his big date this evening. His date, Arachnia, was one of the hottest chicks in college, and every guy wanted to go out with her. Of course getting a date with her wasn’t that hard since there weren’t a large number of guys in college, and the girls outnumbered the guys in a highly disproportionate ratio.
But now that Kehar had successfully asked her out, he was having second thoughts. Was the date going to be worth it? Even though he was in college, Kehar was still a virgin. He was good at his studies, excelled in sport, and was overall quite the young achiever, but he still hadn’t managed to get laid! As a kid Kehar had been a bit of a geek, and he had preferred his books to girls. This was what had saved him from sharing the fate of many of his male classmates, who never made it to college. But now with college nearing its end Kehar had taken more of an interest in his female classmates. Inside of him, his male hormones were raging. The fire of desire burned bright, but his was the wrong species to be male. Female widow spiders don’t take too kindly to post-coital snuggling; they prefer a nice meal instead!
Kehar walked downstairs to the kitchen and made himself a fly sandwich. He picked up the newspaper and skimmed through. The obituary section was overflowing - apparently there had been a carnival of sorts the previous night! Kehar saw Rachman’s mugshot among the dearly departed. Rachman was one of his friends, a rather smart young spider who seemed destined for a career in web research and architecture. He shook his head, he didn’t know whether to be happy for Rachman or not.
He looked up at the clock, he had an hour to go before he had to pick up Arachnia for a movie and dinner, (yes, it was common sense not to ask a girl out to dinner and a movie, cause then you wouldn’t make the movie!). He sat at the kitchen counter, staring at Rachman’s photo, not knowing whether to follow his head or his loins! He trudged back up to his room and put on his best clothes. A note fell out of his pocket. It was the note on which he had scribbled to Arachnia after mustering up the courage.
“Would you like to go out with me?” it said.
Behind it was the reply Arachnia had scrawled out, “I’d love to have you and your babies!”
He sighed as he picked up the heart shaped box of chocolate coated insects (assorted), that he had picked up for this very evening, and headed towards the door. He was going to get laid – he was dying to!
But now that Kehar had successfully asked her out, he was having second thoughts. Was the date going to be worth it? Even though he was in college, Kehar was still a virgin. He was good at his studies, excelled in sport, and was overall quite the young achiever, but he still hadn’t managed to get laid! As a kid Kehar had been a bit of a geek, and he had preferred his books to girls. This was what had saved him from sharing the fate of many of his male classmates, who never made it to college. But now with college nearing its end Kehar had taken more of an interest in his female classmates. Inside of him, his male hormones were raging. The fire of desire burned bright, but his was the wrong species to be male. Female widow spiders don’t take too kindly to post-coital snuggling; they prefer a nice meal instead!
Kehar walked downstairs to the kitchen and made himself a fly sandwich. He picked up the newspaper and skimmed through. The obituary section was overflowing - apparently there had been a carnival of sorts the previous night! Kehar saw Rachman’s mugshot among the dearly departed. Rachman was one of his friends, a rather smart young spider who seemed destined for a career in web research and architecture. He shook his head, he didn’t know whether to be happy for Rachman or not.
He looked up at the clock, he had an hour to go before he had to pick up Arachnia for a movie and dinner, (yes, it was common sense not to ask a girl out to dinner and a movie, cause then you wouldn’t make the movie!). He sat at the kitchen counter, staring at Rachman’s photo, not knowing whether to follow his head or his loins! He trudged back up to his room and put on his best clothes. A note fell out of his pocket. It was the note on which he had scribbled to Arachnia after mustering up the courage.
“Would you like to go out with me?” it said.
Behind it was the reply Arachnia had scrawled out, “I’d love to have you and your babies!”
He sighed as he picked up the heart shaped box of chocolate coated insects (assorted), that he had picked up for this very evening, and headed towards the door. He was going to get laid – he was dying to!
Sunday, May 15, 2005
The Only Lie I Ever Told
A friend once asked me "Do you always tell the truth?" to which I replied "No!"
Friday, April 15, 2005
Travailogue?
Back from Gokarna along with a host of parasites, bacteria and viruses that probably have rather exotic names for themselves. Headed to work soon after landing in, felt the aches all over the body and a mild fever had set in by evening, but I dismissed it to the strain of the journey and opted to pop a paracetomol. Had to leave half day through work on Tuesday as the chills and shivering had become akin to rigor mortis.
Add to the fever, was a headache from hell, and a persistently irritating wisdom tooth. Downed various homeopathic remedies as prescribed by my dad in conjunction with the little homeopathy handbook. The fever got worse as evening progressed along with India’s bad defense of a good score. I would have to throw layers of blanket over myself to get any relief from the constant shivering, and once the paracetomol would start working then I’d have to shed all my clothes, as I’d be drenched in sweat. This procedure filled the entire night.
By the next morning the tooth had become worse, I could hardly eat, chewing was handled entirely by the right side of my mouth. The throat was absolutely inflamed and swallowing was close to impossible. At this point two appointments were made, one with the dentist and the other with the general practitioner. While my adenoids were adenoying, my duodenum seemed to be degenerating.
At the dentists I was told the wisdom tooth needed to be removed, I agreed all to happily. The procedure was far less painful and complex than I had imagined and I felt I had been cheated. She could have at least done some drilling for a while. Anyway, I returned, wisdom tooth in hand, and hopefully soon to be around my neck.
Half an hour and one blood soaked cotton later I was ready to head of for the next appointment. Possibly just the way they work or just my luck but the doctor I had the appointment with came in forty minutes late. After a quick look through he prescribed some antibiotics and some other stuff. Here however, my dietary dilemma struck. The dentist advised me not to have anything warm or hot, while the other doctor tells me nothing cold, only warm water and warm food, gargle with tepid salt water.
Back home and some tossing and turning and a rather unquiet sleep. The stomach’s become worse, bordering on diarrhea possibly. However, the range of sounds that the rectum can produce is rather amazing – the wind section of most orchestras would be amazed. I’ve done everything from clarinets, oboes, and bassoons…no, scratch that: I’m not really sure what sort of sound a bassoon makes. The name sounds more like it got interchanged with some species of primate. I bet there’s a monkey in South America that goes by the name ‘pipe reed’!
A large number of souvenirs I’ve got back from this trip. Including a few mites that I found in my hair the other day. And Laryngitis is awfully annoying.
Add to the fever, was a headache from hell, and a persistently irritating wisdom tooth. Downed various homeopathic remedies as prescribed by my dad in conjunction with the little homeopathy handbook. The fever got worse as evening progressed along with India’s bad defense of a good score. I would have to throw layers of blanket over myself to get any relief from the constant shivering, and once the paracetomol would start working then I’d have to shed all my clothes, as I’d be drenched in sweat. This procedure filled the entire night.
By the next morning the tooth had become worse, I could hardly eat, chewing was handled entirely by the right side of my mouth. The throat was absolutely inflamed and swallowing was close to impossible. At this point two appointments were made, one with the dentist and the other with the general practitioner. While my adenoids were adenoying, my duodenum seemed to be degenerating.
At the dentists I was told the wisdom tooth needed to be removed, I agreed all to happily. The procedure was far less painful and complex than I had imagined and I felt I had been cheated. She could have at least done some drilling for a while. Anyway, I returned, wisdom tooth in hand, and hopefully soon to be around my neck.
Half an hour and one blood soaked cotton later I was ready to head of for the next appointment. Possibly just the way they work or just my luck but the doctor I had the appointment with came in forty minutes late. After a quick look through he prescribed some antibiotics and some other stuff. Here however, my dietary dilemma struck. The dentist advised me not to have anything warm or hot, while the other doctor tells me nothing cold, only warm water and warm food, gargle with tepid salt water.
Back home and some tossing and turning and a rather unquiet sleep. The stomach’s become worse, bordering on diarrhea possibly. However, the range of sounds that the rectum can produce is rather amazing – the wind section of most orchestras would be amazed. I’ve done everything from clarinets, oboes, and bassoons…no, scratch that: I’m not really sure what sort of sound a bassoon makes. The name sounds more like it got interchanged with some species of primate. I bet there’s a monkey in South America that goes by the name ‘pipe reed’!
A large number of souvenirs I’ve got back from this trip. Including a few mites that I found in my hair the other day. And Laryngitis is awfully annoying.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Mills and Boon outtakes
Eric strode towards Susan, as she stood forlorn in the balcony. The moonlight accentuated the perfect curves of her body as it shone through her flower-print nightgown. Eric gently put his arms around her petite waist, “Eric!” she said, as she turned around, mildly surprised. He ran his right hand through her long, dark hair, as his lips moved to meet hers.
“No Eric, we can’t...” she trailed off as Eric gently placed a finger on her lips. No talk was necessary now. He brushed his finger along her lips, down her chin and to her neck. Susan sighed softly.
Their lips met, tongues interlocked, when suddenly Susan pulled back.
“No Eric, we really can’t. I’ve got a cold and you’ll catch it too”
“Don’t worry darling”, he replied charmingly, “I have some strain of the virus myself; perhaps they’ll mate and have babies!”
“No Eric, we can’t...” she trailed off as Eric gently placed a finger on her lips. No talk was necessary now. He brushed his finger along her lips, down her chin and to her neck. Susan sighed softly.
Their lips met, tongues interlocked, when suddenly Susan pulled back.
“No Eric, we really can’t. I’ve got a cold and you’ll catch it too”
“Don’t worry darling”, he replied charmingly, “I have some strain of the virus myself; perhaps they’ll mate and have babies!”
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Where do we go now?
Silver foil and an imminent vacation are the perfect combination for a strong sense of deja vu!
Yay! I'm going to Gokarna!
Yay! I'm going to Gokarna!
Friday, March 25, 2005
Dog's Life
Dogs have such peaceful lives. They get nice tummy rubs, and they can lick their private parts in public places.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Elizabethan Nonsense?
Thine isentasis like stasinverous
Thine beauficsporous in gladdigvein
Smee love thee uffably andomead ferrous
My love for thee saphyllispain
Perchance the glamodibeauty
From haverscent like godoluv
I stay parouse eversivity
Nay sinefolleg sonerodove
‘Tis muchenspiffic and blithy those
How caffid wont emigetsin
Byselfous grom the unsel rose
That is the flammo perevin.
Yes, I'm bored (what else is new?), and the lady of madness beckoned seductively!
Thine beauficsporous in gladdigvein
Smee love thee uffably andomead ferrous
My love for thee saphyllispain
Perchance the glamodibeauty
From haverscent like godoluv
I stay parouse eversivity
Nay sinefolleg sonerodove
‘Tis muchenspiffic and blithy those
How caffid wont emigetsin
Byselfous grom the unsel rose
That is the flammo perevin.
Yes, I'm bored (what else is new?), and the lady of madness beckoned seductively!
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Question
The coloured formatting on my previous post was an experiment I tried. I would like some feedback on how people who read it perceived it. Was it easy to distinguish the speakers based on the colour? could you associate the speakers and the colour? Etcetera.
Monday, March 21, 2005
The Ace of Spades
From L to R: Patches, Kiara, Bonzo, Professor Feurich, Neimglo X3-30, Spike
“Well, professor Feurich, we’d like to thank you for your support.”
“Yes, professor, it has been an exquisite…collaboration, I must say. Bet one hundred.”
“Raise two hundred”
“Call.”
“Call. Well, I expect that I will be given safe passage to Grrnor before earth is destroyed.”
“Call.”
“Raise four hundred. Why of course professor, you can live happily on Grrnor.”
“Do you boys want anything to eat”
“Thanks, darling, but I’m good.”
“I could use a refill, Kiara”
“That’s not good for your system Patches.”
“Yes, I know, but this is the only good thing that’s come out of earth, and I’m hooked!”
Laughter all around
“You know, I’m a bit worried that I’ll be badly out of place on a planet with a superior race of dogs!”
“Don’t worry, professor, you’ll get along great with everyone. Humans are actually such sweet, naïve creatures. It’s a pity that we’re going to be annihilating the planet. But then again it’s such a rich energy source, and the positioning of earth is such that the repercussions of the implosion will be negligible.”
“By the way professor, you won’t be the only non-dog there. Grrnor is a melting pot of planetary cultures. Of course, you’ll be the first human there, but we are home to all sorts of races, even Horcens like Neimglo here.”
The dogs snicker; Neimglo glares
“I believe it’s your call Patches”
“Raise another six hundred”
“Call. You know what’s ironic, these humans call dogs ‘man’s best friend’”
More laughter among the dogs
“Call”
“Yes, but that did make our surveillance a lot simpler, than on the other planets.”
“Call”
“Yes, Kiara placed us in good homes.”
“I agree. Well done Kiara!”
“Call. Yes, the data collection was impeccable”
“I hope you have all the data you need to trigger of the implosion properly.”
“Yes, living in the homes of those scientists, made our jobs so much simpler. We won’t have to make any assumptions, we’ve got the precise data we need!”
“Not to mention good tummy rubs”
Doggy laughter
“So when will we be able to collect the plutonium”
“Don’t worry about that, we’ll handle it.”
“Well that’s what you said on the last planet too, yet you managed to inundate the sector with tachyons, and we couldn’t retrieve any of the plutonium.”
“That was a small oversight. We miscalculated the planetary mass, which caused an exponential particle decay, but this time we’ve got the exact…”
“I don’t care why that happened, I don’t want you to screw up again!”
“Shut up, Neimglo. You’re only a parasitic bounty hunter!”
“Well, perhaps you’d like to stop blabbering and show us your cards!”
“Three aces it is”
“Damn!”
“And just when I had a nice J,Q,K straight”
“Hold on a second professor, you might still have won. Perhaps Patchy here would care to explain how he keeps getting aces, especially when the Ace of Spades is still in the deck.”
“So what? I’ve got the diamonds, hearts and clubs”
“How convenient, you forgot to mention the ace of spades in your hind paw.”
Spike sniggers
“Oh, and what about you, Spike? How come you slid the king of diamonds under your seat? Oh, wait, that’s because the professor just showed a king of diamonds. You cheating lot of flea-bags!”
Patches stands up, knocking over his glass
“How dare you say that ingrate, when you should be thankful that we even let you dirty lot of scavengers tag along with us and collect up the remains at every planet!”
“Come on boys, relax!”
“Shut up, Kiara!”
“You son-of-a-bitch, don’t you dare tell my girl to shut up!”
“You go around destroying planet after planet scrounging up whatever energy you can generate from them and call us a dirty lot of scavengers?”
Now Spike stands up and whips out a de-atomiser
“I’ve had enough of you Neimglo!”
“And I’ve had enough of all of you!”
Neimglo clasps his hands together sending out waves of high amplitude ultra sound, the dogs fall to the floor flailing. Spikes sends out a blast from his de-atomiser, that hits the lightbulb and causes an flood of antimatter particles destroying nearly two blocks of building.
So finally the dogs’ devious ploy is thwarted by an unassuming ace of spades, and the earth is not obliterated (except for the two blocks around Professor Feurich’s place)
I thought it would take 15 minutes, but it took nearly an hour. Click on the image for a full sized version, I didn't post the full size pic here cause it's screwing up my blog alignment. And I hope none of the readers are colour blind!
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Hip Hip Huey
Yes, I changed my avataar. It's now a picture of Hamster Huey - post Gooey Kablooie. The jury gave him life (which I felt was unfair), but he may make parole!
Thursday, March 10, 2005
An Account of Spurious Reckoning
We flew south for a week, before we landed at the Copistan temple, where they worshipped Copulus, the god of reproduction. The place was a riot of elephants and placentas.
We checked into the hotel Lgugabi; the rooms were well aired and spacious. We spent the day touring the markets of Copistan, where vendors sold colourful wares. The streets were narrow and crowded, with people hawking various food stuffs of suspicious origin, people selling brightly coloured clothes (which was common attire in Copistan), medicine men peddling bizarre concoctions in bottles and packets of various shapes and sizes, dancing girls, jugglers and street magicians.
On the second morning of our stay we were accosted by a dark stranger, who informed us his name was Oi Oo Oi Oo. He was selling packaged dirt which he claimed worked as an aphrodisiac. We bought a few packets, which left us lacking a couple hundred shekels, and headed of to find some women, upon whom we could employ the dirt.
Scheznik chanced upon a buxom belle with blunt features, while I found myself a more athletic and dark beauty with enchanting eyes. After an evening at the Rikwik restaurant, where we drank black tea cooked with lotus seeds (another aphrodisiac, according to Yaa Wee Yaa Wee, the restaurant owner) we headed back to our rooms.
At the hotel, the girls performed for us the sacred rites of Khwandi – a complex process that included a lot of intertwined limbs and moaning.
Scheznik and I woke up the next morning and found ourselves rather hung over and tied to our beds. The girls had robbed us of everything except the four packets of dirt, which they had spread all over us. I couldn’t remember much of the previous night, but apparently they hadn’t required the dirt to whet their appetites.
After a few minutes of girlishly giggling at our predicament, we started yelling for help. A couple of hours and two sore throats later, the house staff came in and loosed our knots rather nonchalantly. We later found out that such were common occurrences in Copistan. We had been left down and dirty.
Yes, I'm just horny
We checked into the hotel Lgugabi; the rooms were well aired and spacious. We spent the day touring the markets of Copistan, where vendors sold colourful wares. The streets were narrow and crowded, with people hawking various food stuffs of suspicious origin, people selling brightly coloured clothes (which was common attire in Copistan), medicine men peddling bizarre concoctions in bottles and packets of various shapes and sizes, dancing girls, jugglers and street magicians.
On the second morning of our stay we were accosted by a dark stranger, who informed us his name was Oi Oo Oi Oo. He was selling packaged dirt which he claimed worked as an aphrodisiac. We bought a few packets, which left us lacking a couple hundred shekels, and headed of to find some women, upon whom we could employ the dirt.
Scheznik chanced upon a buxom belle with blunt features, while I found myself a more athletic and dark beauty with enchanting eyes. After an evening at the Rikwik restaurant, where we drank black tea cooked with lotus seeds (another aphrodisiac, according to Yaa Wee Yaa Wee, the restaurant owner) we headed back to our rooms.
At the hotel, the girls performed for us the sacred rites of Khwandi – a complex process that included a lot of intertwined limbs and moaning.
Scheznik and I woke up the next morning and found ourselves rather hung over and tied to our beds. The girls had robbed us of everything except the four packets of dirt, which they had spread all over us. I couldn’t remember much of the previous night, but apparently they hadn’t required the dirt to whet their appetites.
After a few minutes of girlishly giggling at our predicament, we started yelling for help. A couple of hours and two sore throats later, the house staff came in and loosed our knots rather nonchalantly. We later found out that such were common occurrences in Copistan. We had been left down and dirty.
Yes, I'm just horny
Monday, March 07, 2005
Klutz
Unbelievably pretty, yet I can throw it out of the window, watch it shatter into a million bits. Klutz.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Self Discovery #66
If I keep moving my head closer to and away from my monitor, it looks like the text on screen is getting bigger, and then smaller. If I do this exercise constantly, I look like an idiot!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)